Intrawebz Dating 1.1
So then there was the seemingly nice boy he was a teacher at a local school, was close to my age, and grew up around the same part of town as I. We exchanged several emails and IM'ed over a short period of time eventually exchanging phone numbers. We will call this one curly.
One fateful night I was hanging out with Kelly and Bri, we were bored and it was a weekend night. I decided to call curly and see what he was doing, he was at a party and since we had already been drinking he offered to pay for a cab if we took one to where he was. being the adventurous ones we are we hopped in a cab to check out the scene.
We get to the party, he pays for the cab we go inside surprise surprise SURPRISE! Its a majority of the people I had known in high school -I wanted to die! I pulled him into the corner and swore him to secrecy we agreed the story was that we knew each other from around the way. Turns out Big D was there (a boy I had former relations of a sort with) so naturally my attention moved in his direction, I accept no responsibility for wanting familiarity over the unknown. After a couple of hours at the party we decided to grace downtown with our presence.
Downtown there was yet another boy whom I had met on an brunch outing with some other friends on another day, he met some of the people from the party at the bar. The minute we saw each other we began acting upon the mutual attraction, needless to say the rest of the world was hardly noticeable at that point we drank and danced the night away. Later on the way home in the car Kelly confessed to me that she had exchanged digits and kissed curly,I had to laugh out loud. I drag my friends out to meet a boy from the internet and one of them hooks up with him, its pretty ironic any way you look at it.
A couple of weeks go by and I begin receiving angry (almost scary) phone calls from curly asking why Kelly is blowing him off, apparently she has been ignoring him and has not returned any of his calls or messages for a few days. At which point I tell him she probably isn't interested in him anymore and to buy a clue and leave her alone and while he's at it he should probably lose my number too!
PHEW! I'm glad she took that one off my hands! Fucking weirdo.
Saturday, March 15, 2008
Corduroy Boy
Intraweb Dating 1.0
This one started out to look pretty promising he was going to school for neurologist with an emphasis on surgery (in layman's term brain surgeon) and played the cello in an orchestra. I figured at the least he is smart and cultured, anyone that knows me at all has gotten to this point and is thinking WTF was she being rational at the time?
Well we decided to meet for coffee. This one I dragged Jungle along for, we went to a random coffe shop I think it may have actually been a cab stand for the Somali drivers LOL. We started on our homework and waited for the doctor to be to arrive. It wasn't long before a nice looking guy came over and asked if I was PYROJEDIMASTER. I said yes and he proceeded to grab a chair and sit down. All the while Jungle is giving him the once over, gives me a strange look and shakes her head as she continues to do her homework.
After about 20 minutes of small talk he finished his hot chocolate and we came to that awkward pause you know the type where its gonna either lead to a second encounter or you exchange pleasantries and give false promised to get in touch sometime soon. Well this one was the latter, to my relief. He seemed so uptight and boring the thought of enduring time with him alone made me cringe. He stood and put on his corduroy jacket, which I then noticed was going over his corduroy shirt paired with his corduroy pants. He then proceeded to pull what appeared to be a corduroy HAT and place it on his head to which Jungle replies "Is that a PANT LEG on your head????"
I'm thinking no that cant be........he replies " Why yes it is,"with a big ol grin on his face, "I was not quite ready to let my favorite pants go."
"I see..." says Jungle.
Then he looks at me "Well I'll be in touch."
"Bye." I responded
Jungle just looked at me again and shook her head. I knew what she was thinking but I am glad she came with me to witness that one even if she thought I was fucking nuts.
This one started out to look pretty promising he was going to school for neurologist with an emphasis on surgery (in layman's term brain surgeon) and played the cello in an orchestra. I figured at the least he is smart and cultured, anyone that knows me at all has gotten to this point and is thinking WTF was she being rational at the time?
Well we decided to meet for coffee. This one I dragged Jungle along for, we went to a random coffe shop I think it may have actually been a cab stand for the Somali drivers LOL. We started on our homework and waited for the doctor to be to arrive. It wasn't long before a nice looking guy came over and asked if I was PYROJEDIMASTER. I said yes and he proceeded to grab a chair and sit down. All the while Jungle is giving him the once over, gives me a strange look and shakes her head as she continues to do her homework.
After about 20 minutes of small talk he finished his hot chocolate and we came to that awkward pause you know the type where its gonna either lead to a second encounter or you exchange pleasantries and give false promised to get in touch sometime soon. Well this one was the latter, to my relief. He seemed so uptight and boring the thought of enduring time with him alone made me cringe. He stood and put on his corduroy jacket, which I then noticed was going over his corduroy shirt paired with his corduroy pants. He then proceeded to pull what appeared to be a corduroy HAT and place it on his head to which Jungle replies "Is that a PANT LEG on your head????"
I'm thinking no that cant be........he replies " Why yes it is,"with a big ol grin on his face, "I was not quite ready to let my favorite pants go."
"I see..." says Jungle.
Then he looks at me "Well I'll be in touch."
"Bye." I responded
Jungle just looked at me again and shook her head. I knew what she was thinking but I am glad she came with me to witness that one even if she thought I was fucking nuts.
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Quasimodo and Hercules
The Stone age -1 B.I. (Before Intrawebz)
So even before there was internet dating there was chat lines, you know the ads you see on late night of the hot chick talking to all the hot boys online? Ya well those people really don;t look like that. My friends and I would get wasted and call these lines after we got home from a party. There was the one you could do for free where you leave a short message and anyone who wanted to could respond via a short message to you and so on and so forth. We were so bad. We got kicked off of a few of them (if you could possibly imagine that) but it never stopped us we always found more to call. The City Pages is an excellent resource for late night shenanigans.
So this boy was one that I had talked to on the phone for about 2-3 weeks he was nice and all so I decided to go play pool with him. Well his car was broken (and I had just moved back from Alaska so I didn't have one yet) so one of his friends was going to come with, he said his friend was really good looking (claimed him to have a striking resemblance to Kevin Sorbo from the show Hercules) so I better not like him better (HA). I agreed for him to meet me at my friends' work so they could check him out for themselves. Well he had described himself to me as 6'4" 230lb with black hair and hazel eyes. He walked into my friends place of employment, I wanted to crawl under the table and never come out.
In walks fucking Hercules, no the Kevin Sorbo kind either, more like Juggernaut from the X-men maybe 2 inches taller than my 5'4" ass and just as wide as he was tall and round kinda like an albino bowling ball. Lets not forget the mullet. Followed up by Quasifuckingmodo, 6'4" MY ASS maybe if he was all stretched out laying down! He was so hunched over he made Hercules look tall! He did have the black hair down, slicked down to be precise with Crisco NASTY, and what I could see of his one eye yes the other was half shut in good old Quasimodo fashion was indeed hazel. Good fucking god what did I get myself into this time??????
They moseyed on up to where I was standing, at the counter conversing with my friends and asked me if I was Serena, my friends (fucking bitches) burst out laughing and went into the backroom leaving me to my vices standing there exposed to the elements. I was forced to quickly decide:
a.) Be nice tell the truth and deal with the consequences of my actions
or
b.)Lie through my teeth to get the fuck out of what could me a mortifying incident
I chose the latter I held a straight face and said, "No, sorry my name is Penelope."
Thus began the recurring line of "My name is Penelope." to all the freaks, weirdos and gluttons that have tried to hit on me in the bar or other inopportune occasions. But really can you blame a girl?????
So even before there was internet dating there was chat lines, you know the ads you see on late night of the hot chick talking to all the hot boys online? Ya well those people really don;t look like that. My friends and I would get wasted and call these lines after we got home from a party. There was the one you could do for free where you leave a short message and anyone who wanted to could respond via a short message to you and so on and so forth. We were so bad. We got kicked off of a few of them (if you could possibly imagine that) but it never stopped us we always found more to call. The City Pages is an excellent resource for late night shenanigans.
So this boy was one that I had talked to on the phone for about 2-3 weeks he was nice and all so I decided to go play pool with him. Well his car was broken (and I had just moved back from Alaska so I didn't have one yet) so one of his friends was going to come with, he said his friend was really good looking (claimed him to have a striking resemblance to Kevin Sorbo from the show Hercules) so I better not like him better (HA). I agreed for him to meet me at my friends' work so they could check him out for themselves. Well he had described himself to me as 6'4" 230lb with black hair and hazel eyes. He walked into my friends place of employment, I wanted to crawl under the table and never come out.
In walks fucking Hercules, no the Kevin Sorbo kind either, more like Juggernaut from the X-men maybe 2 inches taller than my 5'4" ass and just as wide as he was tall and round kinda like an albino bowling ball. Lets not forget the mullet. Followed up by Quasifuckingmodo, 6'4" MY ASS maybe if he was all stretched out laying down! He was so hunched over he made Hercules look tall! He did have the black hair down, slicked down to be precise with Crisco NASTY, and what I could see of his one eye yes the other was half shut in good old Quasimodo fashion was indeed hazel. Good fucking god what did I get myself into this time??????
They moseyed on up to where I was standing, at the counter conversing with my friends and asked me if I was Serena, my friends (fucking bitches) burst out laughing and went into the backroom leaving me to my vices standing there exposed to the elements. I was forced to quickly decide:
a.) Be nice tell the truth and deal with the consequences of my actions
or
b.)Lie through my teeth to get the fuck out of what could me a mortifying incident
I chose the latter I held a straight face and said, "No, sorry my name is Penelope."
Thus began the recurring line of "My name is Penelope." to all the freaks, weirdos and gluttons that have tried to hit on me in the bar or other inopportune occasions. But really can you blame a girl?????
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