Quasimodo and Hercules

The Stone age -1 B.I. (Before Intrawebz)

So even before there was internet dating there was chat lines, you know the ads you see on late night of the hot chick talking to all the hot boys online? Ya well those people really don;t look like that. My friends and I would get wasted and call these lines after we got home from a party. There was the one you could do for free where you leave a short message and anyone who wanted to could respond via a short message to you and so on and so forth. We were so bad. We got kicked off of a few of them (if you could possibly imagine that) but it never stopped us we always found more to call. The City Pages is an excellent resource for late night shenanigans.

So this boy was one that I had talked to on the phone for about 2-3 weeks he was nice and all so I decided to go play pool with him. Well his car was broken (and I had just moved back from Alaska so I didn't have one yet) so one of his friends was going to come with, he said his friend was really good looking (claimed him to have a striking resemblance to Kevin Sorbo from the show Hercules) so I better not like him better (HA). I agreed for him to meet me at my friends' work so they could check him out for themselves. Well he had described himself to me as 6'4" 230lb with black hair and hazel eyes. He walked into my friends place of employment, I wanted to crawl under the table and never come out.

In walks fucking Hercules, no the Kevin Sorbo kind either, more like Juggernaut from the X-men maybe 2 inches taller than my 5'4" ass and just as wide as he was tall and round kinda like an albino bowling ball. Lets not forget the mullet. Followed up by Quasifuckingmodo, 6'4" MY ASS maybe if he was all stretched out laying down! He was so hunched over he made Hercules look tall! He did have the black hair down, slicked down to be precise with Crisco NASTY, and what I could see of his one eye yes the other was half shut in good old Quasimodo fashion was indeed hazel. Good fucking god what did I get myself into this time??????

They moseyed on up to where I was standing, at the counter conversing with my friends and asked me if I was Serena, my friends (fucking bitches) burst out laughing and went into the backroom leaving me to my vices standing there exposed to the elements. I was forced to quickly decide:
a.) Be nice tell the truth and deal with the consequences of my actions
or
b.)Lie through my teeth to get the fuck out of what could me a mortifying incident
I chose the latter I held a straight face and said, "No, sorry my name is Penelope."

Thus began the recurring line of "My name is Penelope." to all the freaks, weirdos and gluttons that have tried to hit on me in the bar or other inopportune occasions. But really can you blame a girl?????